Sometimes -- sometimes

I try to read you in reverse.

Understand a murderer
Bipolar screaming child.

But this is the real world and

I thought -- thought I knew
Things like this only happen in books

Right?

All those fucked-up things I read
When I was just a child, I thought
adults only read for shock value, and

Sadly -- somehow -- the older I get the more
I realize I was wrong

"a child's view" of the world is right--

I had no god
Damned clue what we are capable of.

I still quake in fear of what we can
but oughtn't (who says? God? Chief Justice?

-- Big Brother? who

the fuck knows?)

do. Because sometimes --

very occasionally, especially with you who

rape what little faith in humanity I have left --

I am more afraid of myself

than that dark-clad man eying my designer

purse as I stride the long path like exile back to
my car after work some nights

I work as an eyewear consultant at the place where we can do Most Glasses In About An Hour.

So this guy comes in to pick up his glasses. He's in his sixties. I'm 19, and look 16 or 17 on a good day.

He sits down at the fitting station. I grab his new glasses and sit down in front of him.

He exclaims, "yesssss, I get to sit this close to ANOTHER sexy girl! Hey beautiful, are you married?"

I giggle nervously and respond, "no, but I'm engaged, so close enough."

He then reaches across the table and caresses. my. hand. while saying "aww honey, I'm just kidding around with you."

I kind of O.O and proceed with checking his glasses for adjustment, making sure he can read, etc. He wants a test on his "computer range" vision so I hold up a printed magazine at an appropriate range and ask him to make sure the reading is comfortable.

He starts reading out loud and instead of the actual text reads "you are engaged to be married, so are unavailable, what a shame"

He also claims to be a cab driver, and I am internally freaking at the thought of being alone in a car with this dude.

He then starts talking about how he got his last glasses at a different optical shop and they had made a very elementary, idiotic mistake. I say "oh, gosh, what a bunch of idiots!"

He says "oh, baby, say that again, that was so sexy!"

I kind of stare at him, and after a few seconds say "... What?!"

He replies, "Fuckin' idiots. Oh, say that again!"

I say "oh, my gosh, I didn't say that! I said 'what a bunch of idiots!'"

He raises his eyebrow and goes "ohh, so you don't say that word, huh?"

He then makes a comment about how "he'd love to get with that [my manager's name], she is so fine, can you hook me up?" (paraphrased, I don't remember his exact words)

I'm still reeling.

O____O

(There is a reason we do not have a REAL terrible towel.)

Positively:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=besht

And negatively:

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=besht

( What we need here is MOAR PEENUS. )

you are my
brown-eyed pair of calloused
hands, an anchor
holding me like a picture to the wall.
i am light and small.

I hold on as if you cannot
lift me
In my head i am five hundred
pounds.
I do not know
where to hang myself,
I cannot drive a nail
there are no spares in
the wall in my head.

I am always falling,
but there is never a bottom
I stay nailed here somehow.

I run - would run, if my feet did
anything to move me forward,

Can't you pick me up
and mount me -- if you must
To the floor?

I would like to know -- someday
what it is to stand on two feet,
hold the perfect balance
that comes so easily to all
the other girls, alone.

Will my painting age,
am I Dorian, Dorianna, my own
twisted time-tangled horror story?

Or am I destined to be a littlegirl
(one word in my head) an impressionist
flurry of pastel skirts and
awkward adolescence?

Some can take care of themselves,
figure it will all work out in the end, sit
alone and ignore all that you will
find outside our front door,

It's called trust, or maybe independence but
I am an invalid -- maybe by choice,
I can walk and I am strong enough to pull out
any nails that hold me here

but instead I choose to have the world come
to me, spoon-fed -- virginal -- ignorant
A littlegirl, one who
Needs you or somebody big and strong, threatening enough

to hold her hand and walk her to the corner

'cause it's a big scary world out there,
big scary men can deal with whatever
flies at them, they're like sculptures,
motion-ray alarm systems, guards built in
and too heavy for one, two, three, who can guess,
Six pallbearers for them if all else fails

no one is gonna carry them away, no one is gonna
scoop you up just like no one scoops up the sculpture
of David but I'm like

the Mona Lisa, my tiny smile entices and I'm easy enough to
spirit away, and you stand near to grab me back from any
one like you who carries my little frame away and you
carry me home,

but tell me,
as long as you're strong enough
big enough to carry me,

and if you want to enough to bother, (I'm valuable you know)
what, pair of hands, strong man
what is the difference?

This company is a SCAM that is run by David Babb and his wife Jenny and their office manager Rachael. It's called "Ultimate," but could change its name at ANY second. They usually locate in North County -- they've been in Florissant as "Sensual Scents," Maryland Heights as "Gateway International" and "Universal Unlimited," and Bridgeton as "Infinity" and "Ultimate."

They've been putting out ads for receptionists on Craigslist. They specify that they want an upbeat 'people person' and 'not a career receptionist.' You will receive an email back if you apply (and fit their age requirements, usually 18-24) VERY SOON, probably from David, possibly Jenny. The email address is (right now) persdept2008@aol.com. He says that he has already filled the (nonexistent) receptionist position, but DOES have an entry level management opportunity. (There are also ads for managers and "assistant/managers.") He will tell you to call 'Rachael' to set up your interview.

You will not see a company name at ALL in the email. Rachael answers the phone with 'Ultimate.' Ultimate WHAT? You are given NO idea what the company is about. .

They promise you a management job with 60-90 days of paid training, 'depending on you' making a SALARY (no word about commission) of '700-800 a week, or 35,000 - 40,000 a year' with room for advancement and promotion. They keep going on about how they will train you, and it's not experience/education they're seeking, but personality.

David talks way too fast for you to ask questions and you are shooed out of the office very quickly -- the interview will take no more than about 10 minutes, and the 'application form' is a joke. These just make you THINK it's legit. They only want to make sure you can talk to people and aren't ugly enough to scare everyone off -- so you can hock (fake) perfume. Yup, that's right -- the job is being one of those creepy people in Walmart parking lots that sell knock-off perfume out of their backpacks. And you make about five bucks a bottle. Sad thing is, the only hint of it even having to do with perfume for the first week you get caught in is if you get lost in the hallway (I did) the directory says 'Ultimate Fragrance,' and David has bottles of perfume on the wall of the office.

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WORK IN THIS OFFICE ARE David, Rachael, and apparently 'Jenny,' whom I have not met. You will NOT get an office job like you are led to believe -- you will be trained for a week or two, UNPAID, and then get sent out on the STREETS to peddle their rip-off perfume.

Don't fall for it -- it does NOT sound like a scam at all, or even like you will be selling something! I had an interview yesterday and WOULD have fallen for this company if I hadn't Googled it. Be VERY careful! This company is a distributor for Scentura Creations, which is a pyramid scheme just like Amway, Partylite or Fuller Brush, etc! It is NOT a job!

i'm doing a foodie experiment... yeast-free naan.

We'll see if there's any hope for this one in about an hour (why I have to let baking-powder bread RISE, I have no idea, but okz)

I need a shower, bleh. I'm just too lazy to get up and do it, plus it's fucking freezing and I dun want to get naked :/

I had a friend once who
said he heard the hymn
"Jesus Loves Me"
in his head every single time
he masturbated that year and
it scares me how he could
let that hang over his head and
still go on with the task at hand
like nothing else was going on

Holy SHIT they arrested Gov. Blagojevich (of Illinois)!!!

http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=162115&catid=3

GOD DAMN